Monday 1 September 2014

Stages of Running.

Not too long ago now I woke up one day with the bright idea of starting to run again. The primary motivation behind this 'bright' idea was fitness, health and hopefully weight loss. Today marks two months into this whole running thing so I thought it would be a good time to reflect. 

About six years ago now my mum and I made the joint decision it was time to be healthier. I was thirteen at the time and honestly didn't really have any idea what the heck that meant but hey, sounded cool so I though what the hell, why not. Enter the run. My god was I unprepared. To summarise, it was four months of awful followed by about one month of 'this actually feels good' and then the weather got bad and so ended the run almost as suddenly as it had started. Fast forward four years and I was away at boarding school when yet again the run entered my life. I don't actually remember why, probably again it was weight loss motivated, but I stuck it out and by the end of my final year at school a year and a half later I could run 9km without stopping and I actually even began to miss running on days when I didn't go. But then the 'gap year' came along and obliterated my life as I knew it. 

When moving to London I had all these lofty ideas of running around Buckingham Palace and tripping over into the arms of Prince Harry and then he would magically fall in love with me and we'd get married. It was, one might say, a brilliant plan. However the weather had something to say about that and in short, I'm yet to meet someone who voluntarily and happily runs in negative temperatures, snow and rain. I managed to go running though a grand total of four times in the 12 months that I lived in Europe. Whilst I had the time of my life on gap year and don't regret one second of it (except maybe for the ill fated trip to Sicily which is a story for another day), my weight and my health paid the price for my laziness.

I moved back to Australia and started uni. To those who've been/are at college, you will understand the wine and chocolate diet perfectly (they are a match made in heaven some might say). It was a great existence for five months and I knew that I wouldn't be losing any weight but that seemed inconsequential at the time. I stepped on my scales one day and looked down at the number. My whole life I have always refused to weight a certain amount. Basically I have a magic number in my head that was the 'no' number and I looked down this day and it was that number that I saw. I was extremely disappointed with myself and spent about a week being miserable before I came to the crashing realisation that something had to give. Yet again the idea of the run entered my life. I've since thought many a time about this running business and I've come to the conclusion that it has multiple stages which are as follows;

1. This-is-a-brilliant-idea-and-you-will-feel-and-look-fantastic-running-along-with-the-wind-in-your-hair Stage.
Step one is obviously deciding that you will undertake this task of running. Step two is putting on some runners and exercise clothing, step three is actually exiting your house, and step four and putting one foot in front of the other at a speed greater than walking (or power walking) and hey presto, you're running! Step six is continuing to do this for longer than five minutes before you can actually claim to have 'run.' All of these steps are part of stage one - the 'brilliant idea stage.' It seems like such a good idea. Think of the stereotypical people who run, they're tanned, they're happy, they're fit, they're healthy, they usually seem to love life. 'That'll be me' you naively think. Wrong.

2. This-is-not-a-brilliant-idea-and-I-am-in-great-pain-and-cannot-possibly-look-good-whilst-doing-this-and-I-should-stop-now Stage.
Following on from step six, running for at least 5 minutes, follows stage two - the 'oh no' stage. This is possibly the worst stage of running because it is the make it or break it stage. You set out and everything is going well and then you start to think 'hmmm this is getting hard,' followed by 'hmmm this is getting very hard,' followed by 'ughhhh this is becoming unbearable and why the heck am I doing this,' which is followed by one of two things; 'this is hard but other people can see me and therefore I must continue' or 'this is abhorrently difficult and I value my life and I will therefore stop.' If you stop, the run usually goes back to a dark, quiet corner of a cupboard and that's that but should you find yourself in a public place usually the first option is the one you end up taking. Enter stage three.

3. This-is-the-worst-idea-I-have-ever-had-in-my-entire-life-worse-even-than-the-time-I-drank-orange-juice-after-brushing-my-teeth Stage.
The regret stage. So you've been running for longer than five minutes (go you!) and you've found yourself in a public place which basically means its too embarrassing to stop so you've no choice but to continue running and all you can think is 'why the hell did I decide to do this, I am so silly.' You keep on running and rather magically, and also quite slowly, these strange thoughts take over that perhaps you can actually do it! So you keep on going and you run your way back to where you started and just like that you've been for a run!

4. Been-there-done-that-learnt-my-lesson-why-would-I-do-that-again Stage.
This one is a big fat trap! Usually several days pass between this stage and the next one but in that time you think 'yay, go me, I did it, I've done my run (...for the rest of the year) and now I can relax!' Wrong! 

5. The-I-feel-guilty-like-I've-stolen-eight-cakes-from-the-neighbourhood-bakery-and-I-can't-sleep-at-night Stage.
This is the second make it or break it stage of the running adventure. So you dragged yourself up, completed steps 1-6 and achieved the milestone of an actual run and then you came home, thought about all that pain and proceeded to sit yourself down for a few days thinking 'never again.' But then you (hopefully) have an epiphany that if you did it once, then why on earth can't you do it again?! *repeat steps 1-6* You go for yet another run! And then you return home and enter stage 6.

6. This-is-becoming-a-routine-and-I-sense-commitment-looming-upon-me Stage.
So you've been for a run twice now and lived to tell the tale both times. But you encounter a problem now because this running thing is becoming more regular and regular things form habits and you can't label a once in a lifetime event a habit. But the problem is that if running is a habit, then you actually have to go at least twice a week. It is at this stage you possibly start to mention that fact that you run and people look at you with a kind of admiration and you look back with the whole 'I know I'm amazing, look at me go' face. But then these people you've told start to question you on this running business and you start feeling obliged to actually go running and thus have the ability to report things along the lines of 'oh yes, this morning's run was really good although that hill is certainly a work out!'

7. Now-I've-told-people-I'm-too-far-down-the-path-of-no-return-to-return-and-I'm-sensing-commitment-issues-and-my-god-is-this-actually-a-thing Stage.
Running has started to take off and you begin to experience an unconscious feeling that you should be running. Steps 1-6 take less and less effort to perform and it is usually whilst running that you think to yourself 'oh dear, I've actually committed to this and now I have to follow through.' YES! You can do it!! Persevere and you can do it, stick with it and keep on putting one foot in front of the other (preferably at increasing speed as you feel the fitness coming along rather nicely). 

8. The-I'm-a-runner-jokes-I'm-actually-a-humble-and-rather-average-jogger Stage.
You have reached the milestone of stage eight - the stage of completion on your running journey. Going for a run has become a habit, stages 1-6 do not make you feel regret (like last Sunday morning after a night at the club) and god-forbid, running actually starts to make you feel good! Congratulations, you've made it!!!

Two months in I have just reached stage eight. It is the most miraculous feeling when suddenly going running isn't like a chore but rather something you begin to enjoy. I'd almost go to the point of saying it's worth all the pain and all the regret. As an added bonus I've lost 8kgs in that time and have never felt better! If I can do it, you can too!

Secretly I'm not actually running in this photo but hey, it looks cool, and I am still out and about putting one foot in front of the other!



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